Family Life

When one became two

As our second child is near the 6 month mark and his personality is coming through, I thought it would be a good time to share the differences we have experienced between our first and second child so far.

You honestly don’t realise there is going to be that much of a difference and even when others tell you “oh it’s different the second time around” I don’t think you believe them …or you believe “well I will make sure I treat number 2 the same”

Actually it is different and for some reason it almost feels out of your control…it just happens.

Our First

When I was pregnant with our first I was besotted, soppy and totally in love with this tiny little baby growing inside me. When he started kicking I would sing to him, talk to him and tickle his foot that stuck out my side. We had a bond and I hadn’t even met him yet. I had a pregnancy book I read every week before bed, which explained bit by bit the babies development. I researched every item I bought. It was winter when I gave birth to him, so I enjoyed wearing big comfy jumper dresses.

When our first was born he was struggling with severe acid reflux from 4 weeks old. He became unsettled and put on weight slower than other babies, however he was still a healthy baby. He was a whinger, and he was desperate to move.

By the time he was 10 weeks he was rolling over and by 6 months he was sitting up. He would roll around and wriggle to reach any toy he could. He has always been one to take part in everything but only for a short while, then he is on to the next thing like speedy Gonzales.

He would try to talk early on and we had good conversations by the time he was 18months. I could give him all my attention and time it was all new but also amazing.

I was an over anxious mother, I worried about everything. I wanted him to be on track with every mile stone and I put in so much effort into his sitting, weaning, talking and walking. I stressed so much I went grey! I could be a helicopter mum at times and I didn’t want him to put a finger out of place. (There is a reason I’m talking past tense) I think a lot of first time mum’s, if not all first time mum’s are like this.

I was hormonal throughout both pregnancies but the enjoyment, bonding and bump were all completely different.

Our Second

When I was pregnant with our second, I was sick ..alot! I was given medication to help stop the vomiting. I felt huge, my belly hung low, my hips would grind and not in a sexy way! I would be up every night at 2:30am for a wee and I became a very picky eater. Infact I went off chocolate for the most part, which was awfu! Honestly I couldn’t understand how I loved something but just couldn’t eat it!! I never had time to look at a pregnancy book, bounty email or anything. I was busy working and looking after our first. It was summer the big heatwave of 2018 and I gave birth on the hottest day of the year!

When our second was born he also had reflux but silent reflux, thankfully we recognised this quickly. He was a very chilled newborn, he did have phototherapy but was otherwise very healthy. He can eat and eat and eat, as a newborn he slept so much I thought something was wrong.

He loves to observe, only cries when he is hungry and started rolling over at 5 months. He hated tummy time, we would only do it with him for literally a minute or two at a time.

I have never seen a baby smile so much! He honestly smiled from the day he was born (wind you say? I’m too biased… I don’t believe it) I knew from his first smile he was going to be a giggly baby and that he is!

He seems placid and I’m so shocked how different they are.

His chilled personality has made me much less concerned about everything. Sometimes I worry I’m too relaxed and i will forget something important for his development.

I sort of figured he won’t be 18 and not rolling over so he will do it eventually, even though he doesn’t like tummy time. I am not anxious about his milestones, I remind myself of them but I don’t obsess over them.

There is no lazy mornings for me and second baby, as we take first one to school and head to a baby group. Where as me and our first enjoyed cwtchy mornings and afternoon playdates. Our second doesn’t get as much of my attention but he gains all of my experience I gained from the first time round.

Ultimately I do feel I don’t have the time to be the mum I was with the first and this has been difficult for him to. I am still battling between being the milestone obsessed mum I have always been with him and the relaxed not too worried mum I am to our second. It is strange for me, as I haven’t chosen to be this way… I just am? So I am learning how to balance somewhere in the middle and hopefully overtime apply the “new” me to both our boys equally.

It’s hard this parenting malarky isn’t it?

If you are an anxious mum or relaxed mum don’t worry, as long as your baby is healthy. If your baby decides to roll over, sit, crawl, walk or talk at a different time to others don’t be too caught up in the competitive mummyness. We all know a mum who’s baby did it all first, just remember…it’s not a race!! When your baby is grown up going to school they will be doing all those things.

I hope to keep looking back at the differences, not only in each of our boys but also in us as parents. So much can change daily in family lives it’s nice to reflect on.

If you have tips, advice, experiences to share please do.
I would love to hear it.

Jay Xx

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